A Little Soapbox time...

I have a couple of things I need to get off my chest and I figured this was the best place to do it!

First things first, I'm getting so fed up with dating right now and am seriously considering a long hiatus!  I've had two frustrating experiences in one week and it makes me feel like screaming.  I won't really get into details right now, because I don't want to get all worked up again, and I just want to let it go.  But, I will ask this, since I'm no dating expert and I don't have that much experience, is this supposed to be so freaking hard? I know marriages are hard work, but I don't think that dating should be so difficult because this is supposed to be the fun stage, right?  It always starts off fun but I'm certainly not having fun right now, and apparently I keep finding the wrong guys, who don't want the same things I do out of it.  I feel like I am at the stage where I am ready to start being more serious about a more long-term relationship, because I have finally started loving myself fully and taking care of myself. However, every guy I go out with wants to just "have fun" and not commit to anything, which I take as, "I like leaving my options open because you aren't exactly what I want and I don't want to be alone so, I'll stick with you until something better comes along."  Maybe I'm wrong and just letting my frustrations get the better of me, but I honestly know I deserve more than being put on hold or being a standby. I deserve someone who WANTS to be around me OFTEN.

Secondly, I watched the finale of The Biggest Loser this week and I was so sad after I finished watching it.  It's the first time I felt sad and not inspired after watching that show.  Yes, I'm talking about Rachel and her weight loss. I am SO torn between my emotions on this topic, because I have strong feelings on both sides of the fence. There's the fact that TBL is a competition, and she was competing for $250,000, and in that aspect she did what she came to do, AND I have always believed that we shouldn't judge a person's health based solely on their appearance/weight.  Then, there's the other side of me that thinks that she took it to extremes when she went home before the finale and lost too much weight, is now in an unhealthy BMI, AND showed the world of impressionable children, teens, and adults with eating disorders that her extremely low weight was okay and to be applauded.  It scares me to think that a show that has always been about being healthy and fit has now propagated a different message.  It's hard to be on both sides of the fence on this issue, my brain doesn't know how to grasp it.  I just hope that she is healthy, or that she can get to a weight that is healthy for her and be able to maintain it.  I hope, for her sake, that she hasn't developed any addiction transfers, or other disorders (body dysmorphic disorder) because of this experience.  I know it's common for that to happen with extreme weight loss.

Ok, I'm done now! Rant over! 

Thanks for listening!

Start Weight: 451 lbs.
Weight at Surgery 12/10/13: 428 lbs.
Current Weight: 366 lbs.
Total Weight Lost: 85 lbs.
(soon I will put inches lost on here, but I haven't measured yet!)
Current Mood: Frustrated 

Cha cha cha changes...

Sorry it's been so long since I have written a new post, but boy I have been busy!  It's a good thing actually, because I used to be so sedentary and lazy and now all I want to do is get up and do something!  Even after working all day, and a gym workout, I feel super restless if I don't fill my time with something.  It's kinda weird, but amazing to have all this energy now.

Speaking of working out, I've been going to the gym at least 3 days a week and have been shooting for 4 days a week as of late.  It's crazy to know that in the past, I dreaded even thinking about working out.  I would avoid it like the plague, because it was hard.  I would start and 3-4 minutes in I would quit because I was huffing, puffing, and sweating profusely.  I wouldn't go back the next day, because the first one was so hard and I knew I wouldn't be able to do it again.  Now, I can get through a whole hour of working out and I feel so good afterwards.  Sure, I still huff, puff, and sweat, but now it feels good and I feel proud of myself for accomplishing another session. Last week, I even had to increase my speed on the treadmill and the intensity on the bike because it was too easy!  If you are wanting to get started on a workout routine and you know how or to get started, just start small and work your way up slowly.  I started with just 30 minutes on the treadmill (only going 2.0 mph), then I tried the elliptical machine. I got on that devil and started and go off that hellish beast within one minute.  Now, I'm up to a 15 minute warm up at 3 mph on the treadmill, 30 minutes of circuit training, and 20-30 minutes on the recumbent bike, where I can go almost 6 miles!  Everyone has so start somewhere! Just know that it gets easier and you can do more as you go along.

As far as the eating part goes, I have been doing really good!  I have basically cut out all bad carbs, like bread, pasta, rice and starchy veggies.  I admit I have had some cravings, and I did have one well toasted slice of gluten-free, low-carb bread this weekend while I was in Houston, but it's no where near where I used to be before.  I still can't each much at all, and the strange looks from wait staff at restaurants are getting a little annoying, but I'm glad I am where I am now.  Where before I felt I could never get enough to eat, I feel like now I just get a taste and I'm perfectly satisfied.  It still blows my mind, and I'm not sure how long it will take to get used to, but it's kinda amazing!

Overall, I still wouldn't change a thing.  If I had to go back and do it all again, I totally would!

Start Weight: 451 lbs.
Weight at Surgery 12/10/13: 428 lbs.
Current Weight: 370 lbs.
Total Weight Lost: 81 lbs.
(soon I will put inches lost on here, but I haven't measured yet!)
Current Mood: Excited