Yup, this early on I already have things to gripe about.
The Good:
The weight is coming off so fast already!! I have already dropped 20 lbs since surgery day! It's been effortless so far. I am hardly ever hungry, and when I am, I can only eat about 5 bites of something before I feel like I am stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey. Right now I'm on the soft/mushy foods, so cottage cheese, refried beans, and canned tuna are on my menu right now. My clothes are fitting a lot looser and are much more comfortable, I don't feel like I am stuffed into a sausage casing anymore. I'm starting to feel a lot better. I came back to work yesterday and I made it through the whole day, but I was exhausted by the time I got home. Everyday I feel better and a little more energy comes back. I had a post-op check up with the Dr. and said everything is great and I am doing everything right.
The Bad:
The back handed compliments have begun. I'm not sure most people really have enough tact to talk to a person who has struggled with weight and body image issues all their lives. From some people, some close to me and some that hardly know me, have said the following, "You'll be so pretty when you get to your goal weight.", "You're going to be so hot!", "You're going to get all the guys now!" SERIOUSLY?! How much more insulting can that get? You're basically telling me I'm not hot, or pretty, and I couldn't get a man if my life depended on it! One of these comments came from my well-meaning grandmother, and I had to ask her politely not to say that to me anymore because it hurts me. I am hot, I am pretty, and I can get a man just fine (I just don't want the ones that I've gotten, lol). I am perfectly happy with myself now. This decision was not about being pretty, it's about being being healthy, and being able to do the things that I can't with all this weight holding me down. Yes, my thinner appearnce will be a plus, but that's not what makes me beautiful. Just a word of advice to people out there, please don't say stuff like this to people. Everyone, EVERYONE, is beautiful. Even though they may not be your particular "cup of tea", they are still beautiful to someone, or to themselves, or both. Don't demean their opinions of themselves by telling them they will be beautiful if _____. It's insulting and it's hurtful. I know that the people who have said this to me didn't mean harm, but it was hurtful. Please just take a moment to think about what you say before it comes out of your mouth!
Friday, December 20, 2013
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Being on the other side...
Surgery was two days ago, and I'm feeling pretty good so far. Aside from some stinging pain in my lower left abdomen (the incision where they put the stapler in) and pressure from gas, I am not really hurting so bad. You never realize how much you use your stomach muscles until it hurts to use them! Getting up and getting around is not so bad. I have nice binder (think about a giant Ace bandage for your tummy) wrapped around me that keeps me from giggling around like Santa, and keeps the pain at bay. Pain killers are amazing too! I've been on a hydrocodone/acetaminophen elixir cocktail that makes me feel great (if not a little drunk)! For the gas, I've been walking around a bit to move it around, and sorry of this grosses you out, but farting and burping are my best friends right now. At least they don't stink cause I haven't eaten anything. This side of surgery is already becoming a whole new world for me!
The strangest thing is my hunger. I haven't eaten anything in three whole days, and I'm not hungry at all!!! It's a whole new way of thinking that I am so not used to. All I can handle right now is fluids, fluids, fluids. I can't chug down a glass of ice water like I used to, I can only sip all day. So, getting the full 64 oz of fluids a day is surely a challenge, but I'm making it. I ate a grape sugar free Popsicle tonight and after the twenty minutes it took me to eat it, I felt like I had eaten a whole feast. I was full from a Popsicle!!!! My surgeon told me I may feel this way for up to 3 weeks, but just to go with it because as long as I take my vitamins, I'm okay.
The day of surgery was an emotional one. I was nervous about the actual procedure and being under anesthesia. I know I did fine in my last surgery, but I was still concerned. I mean when they ask you if you have a will or a medical directive, you are instantly reminded that you have a chance (although it is small) that you will die on the operating table. While I was getting prepped, I had an unexpected visitor, my colon surgeon, Dr. Izfar, who preformed my fisulotomy back in July. She saw my name on the surgery board when she came in to do surgery on someone else and popped in to say hello. It caught me off guard, but I was so happy to see her. She told me that she really cared for me and wanted make sure everything was going okay, and to wish me luck on my new journey. I cried a bit cause I was very touched, no doctor I have ever had has ever cared that much. After she left, the anesthesiologist came in to start my "margarita" as he called it and they wheeled me back to the operating room, scooted me onto the table, and after that I woke up in the recovery room. I was in quite a bit of pain, but they pumped me full of morphine and took me to my room where I would stay the night. My mom was there and I kept drifting in and out. Eventually I woke up more, got up to pee and walk a little. My sister and niece came by to see me and the nurse gave me more pain meds, and I started to drift off again. So mom, sissy, and Kylie, took off and I went on to sleep. This was the pattern I kept with until about 2:30 yesterday, pain meds, sleep, walking. Being home with mom feels great, I really hate being in hospitals and feel like I have more freedom to do more here without being bugged every 3 hours for vitals.
All in all, there are no regrets so far, and I am in good spirits!! I want to thank you all for your prayers, good vibes and support through this so far. I've been reminded this week how many people care for me and it makes me feel so wonderful. Sometimes we forget that people care, so I was very happy to be reminded and feel all that love from all of you! If you ever need my support, you have it guaranteed!!
The strangest thing is my hunger. I haven't eaten anything in three whole days, and I'm not hungry at all!!! It's a whole new way of thinking that I am so not used to. All I can handle right now is fluids, fluids, fluids. I can't chug down a glass of ice water like I used to, I can only sip all day. So, getting the full 64 oz of fluids a day is surely a challenge, but I'm making it. I ate a grape sugar free Popsicle tonight and after the twenty minutes it took me to eat it, I felt like I had eaten a whole feast. I was full from a Popsicle!!!! My surgeon told me I may feel this way for up to 3 weeks, but just to go with it because as long as I take my vitamins, I'm okay.
The day of surgery was an emotional one. I was nervous about the actual procedure and being under anesthesia. I know I did fine in my last surgery, but I was still concerned. I mean when they ask you if you have a will or a medical directive, you are instantly reminded that you have a chance (although it is small) that you will die on the operating table. While I was getting prepped, I had an unexpected visitor, my colon surgeon, Dr. Izfar, who preformed my fisulotomy back in July. She saw my name on the surgery board when she came in to do surgery on someone else and popped in to say hello. It caught me off guard, but I was so happy to see her. She told me that she really cared for me and wanted make sure everything was going okay, and to wish me luck on my new journey. I cried a bit cause I was very touched, no doctor I have ever had has ever cared that much. After she left, the anesthesiologist came in to start my "margarita" as he called it and they wheeled me back to the operating room, scooted me onto the table, and after that I woke up in the recovery room. I was in quite a bit of pain, but they pumped me full of morphine and took me to my room where I would stay the night. My mom was there and I kept drifting in and out. Eventually I woke up more, got up to pee and walk a little. My sister and niece came by to see me and the nurse gave me more pain meds, and I started to drift off again. So mom, sissy, and Kylie, took off and I went on to sleep. This was the pattern I kept with until about 2:30 yesterday, pain meds, sleep, walking. Being home with mom feels great, I really hate being in hospitals and feel like I have more freedom to do more here without being bugged every 3 hours for vitals.
All in all, there are no regrets so far, and I am in good spirits!! I want to thank you all for your prayers, good vibes and support through this so far. I've been reminded this week how many people care for me and it makes me feel so wonderful. Sometimes we forget that people care, so I was very happy to be reminded and feel all that love from all of you! If you ever need my support, you have it guaranteed!!
Monday, December 9, 2013
It's finally here...
It's officially the eve of my surgery day!!!
I don't even know what to say at this point. I am such a huge ball of emotions that it's not even funny. I'm surprisingly keeping it together though. I think at this point I have gotten past most of my nervousness and fear of surgery, said good bye to the bad food, and am starting to say hello to the healthy life ahead of me. The emotions that I am feeling right now are mainly excitement and elation that this is FINALLY happening, that I am finally on a path that is going to change my life forever. I know this is not a fix-all and that I am going to have to work really hard to stay on track, but I'm pretty sure I am in the right mindset at this point.
I will admit, I had a little bit of a breakdown last Saturday night, and had to have my mom talk me down. I had all these thoughts about "what if" that were driving me crazy. I was scared about my last appointment with the surgeon, that I wouldn't have lost the last few pounds I needed to lose before surgery, that if I hadn't they would cancel the surgery and I'd have to wait til next year and pay my whole deductible again. I was scared that I had made the wrong decision and I was making a ginormous mistake doing this to my body. I was scared that surgery would go badly and I would die. (Thank you Anxiety for those lovely thoughts!) But, my mom helped me re-focus my thoughts and remember that God is beside me all the way and He will take care of me and my worries. And He did! (Oh man, He did!) On Sunday, I went to church and cried my way through the whole service, because every word felt like it was directed right to me. God was surely sending me a clear message to let go and let Him take care of everything, that I am going to be just fine under His watch and this is His plan for me. I felt renewed and cleansed and I knew at that moment I will make it through this with flying colors.
On Tuesday, I had my pre-op appointment with my surgeon, and that went amazing as well! He said I was doing great with my weight loss and that I passed the amount he wanted me to lose by 5 lbs. (I've lost 3 more lbs since then) He said that I was on the right track and that he knows I will do excellent in this surgery and I will heal fast. He's really a great doctor and I know for sure I am in good hands with him. By the way, the pre-op diet was pretty easy for me. I didn't feel deprived for the most part and it's actually changed my appetite a lot!! I can only eat about half of how much I was eating before, which I know is only helping me more in preparation for how little I'll be eating later! I also love protein shakes now!
So, I'm ready now, to get my guts rearranged and continue working on getting my brain to think differently. I just ask for a prayer that everything goes well, without complications and that I recover fast!
I don't even know what to say at this point. I am such a huge ball of emotions that it's not even funny. I'm surprisingly keeping it together though. I think at this point I have gotten past most of my nervousness and fear of surgery, said good bye to the bad food, and am starting to say hello to the healthy life ahead of me. The emotions that I am feeling right now are mainly excitement and elation that this is FINALLY happening, that I am finally on a path that is going to change my life forever. I know this is not a fix-all and that I am going to have to work really hard to stay on track, but I'm pretty sure I am in the right mindset at this point.
I will admit, I had a little bit of a breakdown last Saturday night, and had to have my mom talk me down. I had all these thoughts about "what if" that were driving me crazy. I was scared about my last appointment with the surgeon, that I wouldn't have lost the last few pounds I needed to lose before surgery, that if I hadn't they would cancel the surgery and I'd have to wait til next year and pay my whole deductible again. I was scared that I had made the wrong decision and I was making a ginormous mistake doing this to my body. I was scared that surgery would go badly and I would die. (Thank you Anxiety for those lovely thoughts!) But, my mom helped me re-focus my thoughts and remember that God is beside me all the way and He will take care of me and my worries. And He did! (Oh man, He did!) On Sunday, I went to church and cried my way through the whole service, because every word felt like it was directed right to me. God was surely sending me a clear message to let go and let Him take care of everything, that I am going to be just fine under His watch and this is His plan for me. I felt renewed and cleansed and I knew at that moment I will make it through this with flying colors.
On Tuesday, I had my pre-op appointment with my surgeon, and that went amazing as well! He said I was doing great with my weight loss and that I passed the amount he wanted me to lose by 5 lbs. (I've lost 3 more lbs since then) He said that I was on the right track and that he knows I will do excellent in this surgery and I will heal fast. He's really a great doctor and I know for sure I am in good hands with him. By the way, the pre-op diet was pretty easy for me. I didn't feel deprived for the most part and it's actually changed my appetite a lot!! I can only eat about half of how much I was eating before, which I know is only helping me more in preparation for how little I'll be eating later! I also love protein shakes now!
So, I'm ready now, to get my guts rearranged and continue working on getting my brain to think differently. I just ask for a prayer that everything goes well, without complications and that I recover fast!
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