Well, that almost sounds like I'm getting married. But, I guess that's pretty fitting seeing as I am making a huge, life long, life altering, commitment! The point is, I have an official date for my Gastric Bypass procedure! I will be headed to the hospital on December 10th to have my guts rearranged. At 9:00 AM on that fateful Tuesday, I will be at the Methodist Specialty and Transplant Hospital, checking in for my procedure and most likely nervous as hell. At least that's how I was before the surgery I had earlier this year. Although, this is where I had my last procedure done and the staff was amazing and really helped to put me at ease, as well as my mom. I just have to keep myself focused on the end result and remind myself how worth it this is going to be.
I'm not going to lie, I have had some serious doubts and have asked myself several times if I really know what I am getting myself into. I've tried bargaining with myself about trying it the "old fashioned way" one more time. I've even considered not doing anything all together and just keep living life like I was before. Who cares if I'm unhealthy? It's not effecting them, just me! Ultimately, I told myself that this is the right thing for me. I have tried so many other times before to do this on my own and failed. I know that with this tool, I will loose the weight. I just have to get my mind to the point where I won't self-sabotage and change the outcome. I have to get my brain to the point where it only sees food as fuel and not a reward or comfort. This is a lot easier said than done, because my brain has been in that mode since I was a kid. It seems that mental hurdles are always the hardest to jump.
I know that this will happen in time, as well as reaching my goal weight will. I'm just so ready to reach that goal, that I wish it could happen overnight. But alas, it will be a long journey, and I just have to make sure I'm prepared for it. I'm just going to pretend I'm Frodo and my weight loss goal is Gollum's "Precious". It's an adventure I will have to fight my way through, but I will overcome in the end! Maybe that's not a good analogy, I mean he does end up wounded and goes to some "land of the elves" crap because he's dead, or dying, and he leaves all his friends behind...oh well, you get my point! (I hope, lol!)
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Monday, November 11, 2013
A Little Scare...
I swear, my anxiety can really get the best of me sometimes. It REALLY got to me on Saturday, and I almost had a panic attack, but thankfully I was able to hold myself back and keep marginally calm. I was all in a tizzy because a previous health issue was raising it's ugly head again. As some of you may know, I had a minor surgery back in July for a fistula. For those of you who aren't privy to this condition, it's really gross and I'm about to describe it, so you may want to turn back now. You've been warned!
It started out as a abscess on my butt. That's bad enough on it's own! It was super painful and was right on the part of my cheek that I sit on, so I constantly felt like I was sitting on a hot coal. When the abscess raised above the skin, it was basically the size of a golf ball and I couldn't sit down anymore. I went to Texas Med Clinic (which I do NOT recommend to anyone, it's too expensive and full of quacks!) and they drained it and told me I needed to see a colon and rectal surgeon as soon as possible. The next day, I met the best doctor ever, Dr. Seema Izfar. She did an exam and found out that I had two fistulas that had developed. A fistula is basically a tunnel that forms inside your body that connects a pocket of infection to an opening on the skin. These "special" fistulas that I had where forming in the anal cavity and opening on my butt cheek. SO GROSS AND SO UNCOMFORTABLE!
It's actually taking me a lot of guts to explain this, because I was so uncomfortable with it at first and didn't want people to think that I had them because I was dirty and unhygienic. But while talking to my doctor she eased my mind and let me know that it can happen to anyone, with any hygiene regimen. It can even develop from an ingrown hair or a clogged sweat gland. After the exam, she told me I would have to have surgery to get the tunnels closed up. I swallowed my anxiety and pride and agreed to surgery, and after about a week of recovery, I felt great and have felt great ever since then without any complications. Well, until Tuesday of last week. On Tuesday morning I felt a little uncomfortable when sitting, which was how the last abscess started. I blew it off hoping that it was nothing, and that I was just psyching myself out. By Thursday, I was sure I was getting another abscess. It was hard to sit for a long period of time and when I stood up and walked around it hurt a bit. Friday, was worse, and I felt a little feverish in the morning, but went to work and stuck it out like a trooper knowing that these things kinda have to progress on their own and eventually it would burst and I would feel better. I did however schedule an appointment with Dr. Izfar on Monday to have her check it out. I wasn't going to stay home that night, because I had a date (which was amazing, with an amazing guy) and I miraculously forgot all about the pain completely while that was going on!
Saturday, I had to work. So, I went in but I felt horrible all day, I was hurting and had a pretty bad fever. I started to freak out a bit, because of my anxiety. I started thinking the worst, that I would have to have surgery again, that I would keep me from getting m Gastric Bypass this year, and on and on and on. I couldn't get my brain to stop, so I just cried. I locked the door to the office, sat down in my boss's office and just let it go and cried for a good 5 minutes. I felt better after that and gathered myself together for the rest of the day. I cried a bit more that night on the way to my sister's house, mainly because I was in pain, but I kept reminding myself that I was okay, and that I will be fine no matter what the outcome was. You have to remind your brain, when you have anxiety, that the world is not ending right now, that you will be okay eventually. I was headed to my sister's house that night for my niece's birthday, which I didn't want to miss, so I went but took it easy. By the time I got home that night I was feeling a little better, my fever had broke and I went to bed early. When I woke up Sunday, I couldn't hardly move it hurt so bad. I got up and took a sitz bath, where you basically sit in hot water to ease the pain. I was sitting in the hot water for about 5 seconds and finally it burst! Instantly I felt sooooo much better. The pain was gone, and my fever, which had returned overnight, broke about 5 minutes later. The rest of the day, I took it easy, laid in bed and watched movies to keep my mind occupied.
This morning I went to the doctor, I'm still a little sore today, but so much better. She did another exam and said that she didn't think the fistula is reforming, that it may just be another unrelated abscess. She said it's good that it came and went so quickly. The last one I had lasted about 2 months before it got really bad and I had to have it drained. She wants me to come back in a couple of weeks to follow up, so I'm praying hard that it's not another fistula in the making, and that I won't have to go under the knife again for that. All of this business sucks...A LOT...but, had I not met Dr. Izfar, I don't think I would be getting the surgery. She's the one who mentioned Gastric Bypass to be and referred me to Dr. Pilcher. No other doctor had ever talked to me about Gastric Bypass. They would mention that my weight was an issue, but never really say that they thought it could be an option for me. Dr. Izfar was the first one to mention it to me and ease me into the idea. She truly is a great doctor and makes me feel super comfortable and at ease, and I think she genuinely cares about my well being. It's nice to have a doctor that honest and caring. She really helped put me at ease today and I needed that so badly!
It started out as a abscess on my butt. That's bad enough on it's own! It was super painful and was right on the part of my cheek that I sit on, so I constantly felt like I was sitting on a hot coal. When the abscess raised above the skin, it was basically the size of a golf ball and I couldn't sit down anymore. I went to Texas Med Clinic (which I do NOT recommend to anyone, it's too expensive and full of quacks!) and they drained it and told me I needed to see a colon and rectal surgeon as soon as possible. The next day, I met the best doctor ever, Dr. Seema Izfar. She did an exam and found out that I had two fistulas that had developed. A fistula is basically a tunnel that forms inside your body that connects a pocket of infection to an opening on the skin. These "special" fistulas that I had where forming in the anal cavity and opening on my butt cheek. SO GROSS AND SO UNCOMFORTABLE!
It's actually taking me a lot of guts to explain this, because I was so uncomfortable with it at first and didn't want people to think that I had them because I was dirty and unhygienic. But while talking to my doctor she eased my mind and let me know that it can happen to anyone, with any hygiene regimen. It can even develop from an ingrown hair or a clogged sweat gland. After the exam, she told me I would have to have surgery to get the tunnels closed up. I swallowed my anxiety and pride and agreed to surgery, and after about a week of recovery, I felt great and have felt great ever since then without any complications. Well, until Tuesday of last week. On Tuesday morning I felt a little uncomfortable when sitting, which was how the last abscess started. I blew it off hoping that it was nothing, and that I was just psyching myself out. By Thursday, I was sure I was getting another abscess. It was hard to sit for a long period of time and when I stood up and walked around it hurt a bit. Friday, was worse, and I felt a little feverish in the morning, but went to work and stuck it out like a trooper knowing that these things kinda have to progress on their own and eventually it would burst and I would feel better. I did however schedule an appointment with Dr. Izfar on Monday to have her check it out. I wasn't going to stay home that night, because I had a date (which was amazing, with an amazing guy) and I miraculously forgot all about the pain completely while that was going on!
Saturday, I had to work. So, I went in but I felt horrible all day, I was hurting and had a pretty bad fever. I started to freak out a bit, because of my anxiety. I started thinking the worst, that I would have to have surgery again, that I would keep me from getting m Gastric Bypass this year, and on and on and on. I couldn't get my brain to stop, so I just cried. I locked the door to the office, sat down in my boss's office and just let it go and cried for a good 5 minutes. I felt better after that and gathered myself together for the rest of the day. I cried a bit more that night on the way to my sister's house, mainly because I was in pain, but I kept reminding myself that I was okay, and that I will be fine no matter what the outcome was. You have to remind your brain, when you have anxiety, that the world is not ending right now, that you will be okay eventually. I was headed to my sister's house that night for my niece's birthday, which I didn't want to miss, so I went but took it easy. By the time I got home that night I was feeling a little better, my fever had broke and I went to bed early. When I woke up Sunday, I couldn't hardly move it hurt so bad. I got up and took a sitz bath, where you basically sit in hot water to ease the pain. I was sitting in the hot water for about 5 seconds and finally it burst! Instantly I felt sooooo much better. The pain was gone, and my fever, which had returned overnight, broke about 5 minutes later. The rest of the day, I took it easy, laid in bed and watched movies to keep my mind occupied.
This morning I went to the doctor, I'm still a little sore today, but so much better. She did another exam and said that she didn't think the fistula is reforming, that it may just be another unrelated abscess. She said it's good that it came and went so quickly. The last one I had lasted about 2 months before it got really bad and I had to have it drained. She wants me to come back in a couple of weeks to follow up, so I'm praying hard that it's not another fistula in the making, and that I won't have to go under the knife again for that. All of this business sucks...A LOT...but, had I not met Dr. Izfar, I don't think I would be getting the surgery. She's the one who mentioned Gastric Bypass to be and referred me to Dr. Pilcher. No other doctor had ever talked to me about Gastric Bypass. They would mention that my weight was an issue, but never really say that they thought it could be an option for me. Dr. Izfar was the first one to mention it to me and ease me into the idea. She truly is a great doctor and makes me feel super comfortable and at ease, and I think she genuinely cares about my well being. It's nice to have a doctor that honest and caring. She really helped put me at ease today and I needed that so badly!
Monday, November 4, 2013
Now, that's better!
Since my last post, I had a follow up appointment for my sleep study. Come to find out, I have severe Obstructive Sleep Apnea. FABULOUS! But, I knew this already. When the doctor went over my sleep study results, he told me I was waking up on average 140 times in an hour. 140 times!!! That's more that twice a minute! Who does that?! Apparently, I do! No wonder I felt so tired all the time. So, they took me back to another office and introduced me to my new best friend...a CPAP machine.
This machine may make me sound like Darth Vader and makes me look like a hospital patient, but it lets me get the best sleep I have ever gotten in my life! I finally get a full 7-8 hours of sleep every night and don't toss and turn or snore anymore. I have been getting up all week at 6:00 am. Ask anyone who knows me well and you'll know that time is unheard of in Kellie's world. I feel like a new person. I am less irritable, have a ton of energy, I don't feel like falling asleep in the middle of the day and I get so much more accomplished during the day. Saturday, for example, I woke up at 8:30 (when I used to wake up at 12 or 1) and cleaned my car out, took it to the car wash, went to Lane Bryant and shopped, went to the drug store and grocery store and was finished with all that by 11:00 am! Who knew you could actually get stuff accomplished on a Saturday? My only problem now is finding stuff to do to occupy all this extra time. I guess working out is viable option.
Since I was so motivated on Saturday, I gave my mom a call and asked her if she wanted to go to church with me on Sunday. I haven't been to church in a while and have missed it. I always feel so much better after going to church, but I always slept so late on Sundays that I just didn't go. So, we went to the new contemporary service at United Methodist's new campus and it was so great! I loved the pastor and what she had to say. Needless to say, I cried, a lot. I tend to do that at church. It's as if God knows exactly what need to hear that day and speaks directly to me through the pastor. After the service, it was like I was cleansed and I went home with renewed faith and hope for the week. I will surely be going back next week.
In other news, I got to talk to my insurance company today and met with the nutritionist again. I found out that I have been approved for surgery and my surgery date is December 3rd. The big day is officially less than a month away! I am so ready for this, and am so excited! I know I will be a bit nervous on the day of surgery, but otherwise I am past the fear of this decision and know that this is only going to better my life. In about two weeks, I will start on a pre-op diet that will consist of two meal replacement protein shakes for breakfast and lunch, and a dinner with 4-5 oz of meat, 3 servings of non-starchy vegetables, and 1-2 fats. This is to help build up my protein before surgery so I have more strength, will heal faster, and am less likely to have hair loss after the surgery. As I find out more, I will surely keep you all posted, but until then, Adios!
This machine may make me sound like Darth Vader and makes me look like a hospital patient, but it lets me get the best sleep I have ever gotten in my life! I finally get a full 7-8 hours of sleep every night and don't toss and turn or snore anymore. I have been getting up all week at 6:00 am. Ask anyone who knows me well and you'll know that time is unheard of in Kellie's world. I feel like a new person. I am less irritable, have a ton of energy, I don't feel like falling asleep in the middle of the day and I get so much more accomplished during the day. Saturday, for example, I woke up at 8:30 (when I used to wake up at 12 or 1) and cleaned my car out, took it to the car wash, went to Lane Bryant and shopped, went to the drug store and grocery store and was finished with all that by 11:00 am! Who knew you could actually get stuff accomplished on a Saturday? My only problem now is finding stuff to do to occupy all this extra time. I guess working out is viable option.
Since I was so motivated on Saturday, I gave my mom a call and asked her if she wanted to go to church with me on Sunday. I haven't been to church in a while and have missed it. I always feel so much better after going to church, but I always slept so late on Sundays that I just didn't go. So, we went to the new contemporary service at United Methodist's new campus and it was so great! I loved the pastor and what she had to say. Needless to say, I cried, a lot. I tend to do that at church. It's as if God knows exactly what need to hear that day and speaks directly to me through the pastor. After the service, it was like I was cleansed and I went home with renewed faith and hope for the week. I will surely be going back next week.
In other news, I got to talk to my insurance company today and met with the nutritionist again. I found out that I have been approved for surgery and my surgery date is December 3rd. The big day is officially less than a month away! I am so ready for this, and am so excited! I know I will be a bit nervous on the day of surgery, but otherwise I am past the fear of this decision and know that this is only going to better my life. In about two weeks, I will start on a pre-op diet that will consist of two meal replacement protein shakes for breakfast and lunch, and a dinner with 4-5 oz of meat, 3 servings of non-starchy vegetables, and 1-2 fats. This is to help build up my protein before surgery so I have more strength, will heal faster, and am less likely to have hair loss after the surgery. As I find out more, I will surely keep you all posted, but until then, Adios!
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