I swear, my anxiety can really get the best of me sometimes. It REALLY got to me on Saturday, and I almost had a panic attack, but thankfully I was able to hold myself back and keep marginally calm. I was all in a tizzy because a previous health issue was raising it's ugly head again. As some of you may know, I had a minor surgery back in July for a fistula. For those of you who aren't privy to this condition, it's really gross and I'm about to describe it, so you may want to turn back now. You've been warned!
It started out as a abscess on my butt. That's bad enough on it's own! It was super painful and was right on the part of my cheek that I sit on, so I constantly felt like I was sitting on a hot coal. When the abscess raised above the skin, it was basically the size of a golf ball and I couldn't sit down anymore. I went to Texas Med Clinic (which I do NOT recommend to anyone, it's too expensive and full of quacks!) and they drained it and told me I needed to see a colon and rectal surgeon as soon as possible. The next day, I met the best doctor ever, Dr. Seema Izfar. She did an exam and found out that I had two fistulas that had developed. A fistula is basically a tunnel that forms inside your body that connects a pocket of infection to an opening on the skin. These "special" fistulas that I had where forming in the anal cavity and opening on my butt cheek. SO GROSS AND SO UNCOMFORTABLE!
It's actually taking me a lot of guts to explain this, because I was so uncomfortable with it at first and didn't want people to think that I had them because I was dirty and unhygienic. But while talking to my doctor she eased my mind and let me know that it can happen to anyone, with any hygiene regimen. It can even develop from an ingrown hair or a clogged sweat gland. After the exam, she told me I would have to have surgery to get the tunnels closed up. I swallowed my anxiety and pride and agreed to surgery, and after about a week of recovery, I felt great and have felt great ever since then without any complications. Well, until Tuesday of last week. On Tuesday morning I felt a little uncomfortable when sitting, which was how the last abscess started. I blew it off hoping that it was nothing, and that I was just psyching myself out. By Thursday, I was sure I was getting another abscess. It was hard to sit for a long period of time and when I stood up and walked around it hurt a bit. Friday, was worse, and I felt a little feverish in the morning, but went to work and stuck it out like a trooper knowing that these things kinda have to progress on their own and eventually it would burst and I would feel better. I did however schedule an appointment with Dr. Izfar on Monday to have her check it out. I wasn't going to stay home that night, because I had a date (which was amazing, with an amazing guy) and I miraculously forgot all about the pain completely while that was going on!
Saturday, I had to work. So, I went in but I felt horrible all day, I was hurting and had a pretty bad fever. I started to freak out a bit, because of my anxiety. I started thinking the worst, that I would have to have surgery again, that I would keep me from getting m Gastric Bypass this year, and on and on and on. I couldn't get my brain to stop, so I just cried. I locked the door to the office, sat down in my boss's office and just let it go and cried for a good 5 minutes. I felt better after that and gathered myself together for the rest of the day. I cried a bit more that night on the way to my sister's house, mainly because I was in pain, but I kept reminding myself that I was okay, and that I will be fine no matter what the outcome was. You have to remind your brain, when you have anxiety, that the world is not ending right now, that you will be okay eventually. I was headed to my sister's house that night for my niece's birthday, which I didn't want to miss, so I went but took it easy. By the time I got home that night I was feeling a little better, my fever had broke and I went to bed early. When I woke up Sunday, I couldn't hardly move it hurt so bad. I got up and took a sitz bath, where you basically sit in hot water to ease the pain. I was sitting in the hot water for about 5 seconds and finally it burst! Instantly I felt sooooo much better. The pain was gone, and my fever, which had returned overnight, broke about 5 minutes later. The rest of the day, I took it easy, laid in bed and watched movies to keep my mind occupied.
This morning I went to the doctor, I'm still a little sore today, but so much better. She did another exam and said that she didn't think the fistula is reforming, that it may just be another unrelated abscess. She said it's good that it came and went so quickly. The last one I had lasted about 2 months before it got really bad and I had to have it drained. She wants me to come back in a couple of weeks to follow up, so I'm praying hard that it's not another fistula in the making, and that I won't have to go under the knife again for that. All of this business sucks...A LOT...but, had I not met Dr. Izfar, I don't think I would be getting the surgery. She's the one who mentioned Gastric Bypass to be and referred me to Dr. Pilcher. No other doctor had ever talked to me about Gastric Bypass. They would mention that my weight was an issue, but never really say that they thought it could be an option for me. Dr. Izfar was the first one to mention it to me and ease me into the idea. She truly is a great doctor and makes me feel super comfortable and at ease, and I think she genuinely cares about my well being. It's nice to have a doctor that honest and caring. She really helped put me at ease today and I needed that so badly!
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