It's finally here...

It's officially the eve of my surgery day!!!

 I don't even know what to say at this point.  I am such a huge ball of emotions that it's not even funny.  I'm surprisingly keeping it together though.  I think at this point I have gotten past most of my nervousness and fear of surgery, said good bye to the bad food, and am starting to say hello to the healthy life ahead of me.  The emotions that I am feeling right now are mainly excitement and elation that this is FINALLY happening, that I am finally on a path that is going to change my life forever.  I know this is not a fix-all and that I am going to have to work really hard to stay on track, but I'm pretty sure I am in the right mindset at this point.

I will admit, I had a little bit of a breakdown last Saturday night, and had to have my mom talk me down.  I had all these thoughts about "what if" that were driving me crazy.  I was scared about my last appointment with the surgeon, that I wouldn't have lost the last few pounds I needed to lose before surgery, that if I hadn't they would cancel the surgery and I'd have to wait til next year and pay my whole deductible again.  I was scared that I had made the wrong decision and I was making a ginormous mistake doing this to my body. I was scared that surgery would go badly and I would die. (Thank you Anxiety for those lovely thoughts!) But, my mom helped me re-focus my thoughts and remember that God is beside me all the way and He will take care of me and my worries.  And He did! (Oh man, He did!)  On Sunday, I went to church and cried my way through the whole service, because every word felt like it was directed right to me.  God was surely sending me a clear message to let go and let Him take care of everything, that I am going to be just fine under His watch and this is His plan for me.  I felt renewed and cleansed and I knew at that moment I will make it through this with flying colors.

On Tuesday, I had my pre-op appointment with my surgeon, and that went amazing as well!  He said I was doing great with my weight loss and that I passed the amount he wanted me to lose by 5 lbs.  (I've lost 3 more lbs since then) He said that I was on the right track and that he knows I will do excellent in this surgery and I will heal fast.  He's really a great doctor and I know for sure I am in good hands with him.  By the way, the pre-op diet was pretty easy for me.  I didn't feel deprived for the most part and it's actually changed my appetite a lot!!  I can only eat about half of how much I was eating before, which I know is only helping me more in preparation for how little I'll be eating later!  I also love protein shakes now!

So, I'm ready now, to get my guts rearranged and continue working on getting my brain to think differently.  I just ask for a prayer that everything goes well, without complications and that I recover fast!