Wooooooah I'm halfway there!!!

Actually a bit more than halfway, but who's counting (I am)!

Can I just say that this has been incredible so far? I am beyond elated that I decided to make this change in my life. Making the decision to have gastric bypass has changed my life so much and has been so rewarding in so many aspects in my life, the least of which is weight loss.  I mean, sure, that's a huge part of it, but so much more of me has changed for the better.

Let me break all this awesomeness down for you all.
1. Confidence:
I have so much more confidence in myself.  And it's not because my appearance has changed, it's because I made the decision to change my life.  The fact that I jumped this big hurdle to undergo surgery to improve my health showed me that I am so much stronger than I was a year ago.  If I can do this and get through surgery, then I can do anything.  I don't care what other people think about my life or me or how I look, because I love the choices I have made, and I love me and that's all that matters. Without those barriers of doubt, I now walk into a room proud of who I am and what I have done.  Walking onto a plane and sitting next to a skinny person who glares at me is no longer an issue. The glares just seem pathetic and kinda make me laugh to myself thinking, "if you only knew".

2. Strength:
Because I have been working out, I've got muscles that I never knew existed. I can go harder, longer, faster than I ever could before and I am amazed each time I step off the elliptical, each time I get off the ab cruncher machine, each time I wipe all the sweat off my brow, that I DID that! It makes me want to do more and I never thought I'd be that person.

3. Control:
I had no idea going into this how much more control over my life I would have.  I feel like just in changing my daily routine, with diet, exercise and medications, that I would end up feeling in control of everything else, especially my emotions.  It seems as though once I got control over what I was eating, other things started falling into place.  Before I had my surgery, I would binge eat out of control, and it was usually when my emotions were at their worst.  If my depression was on high alert, it was a whole large pizza, and bread sticks, and a 2 liter of soda, and probably some ice cream... Now that I my stomach won't let me over eat, I control how much I put into my body. By having control over that, I feel like I have learned moderation, and can moderate my emotions better.  As a matter of fact, I have been off my anti-depressants since a month after my surgery, and haven't had a single panic attack in 6 months.  I can't even tell you how relieved this makes me feel.

I just can't believe how much has changed in the last 6 months, and I can't wait for more changes. This is the best decision I have ever made in my life.  EVER!

Start Weight: 451 lbs.
Weight at Surgery 12/10/13: 428 lbs.
Current Weight: 293 lbs.
Total Weight Lost: 158 lbs.
Current Mood: Happy

1st Milestone Reached...

I haven't written in while, but it's mainly because I was going through a couple crazy weeks.  I was dealing with a two week long plateau that was driving me crazy! I know in a major weight loss journey I will hit plateaus a few times, but being aware doesn't mean it's any easier to deal with. You doubt your ability, you question everything that you eat, you wonder if you are getting enough exercise, and you are just downright frustrated.  Being on the other side of it now, of course it all seem so silly because...

As of this morning, at 8:00 am, I officially reached my first milestone! I have dropped 101 lbs!!! WHAT?!?!?! 101. Freaking. Pounds. I cannot begin to say how elated I am, and how proud of myself I am at this moment! It especially feels good after coming off a two week plateau!

I know this is the first major milestone in this journey and it makes me even more excited about the prospect of the next one. Of course it hasn't been easy.  Adjusting to trying food all over again, and trying to understand this new stomach and body are the hardest things.  It's still difficult to remind myself to slow down when I am eating, my stomach surely lets me know, but my brain is still making me think I have to eat as fast as I can. I look in the mirror most days and don't see a change at all, I still see the same body I had in the beginning, and then other mornings I can see how loose my clothes fit and see how much slimmer my face is. I still wake up mornings and feel like I'm a lazy slob, then I remember what I did in the gym the night before. The mental game is surely the hardest part of the whole thing, but I am making small adjustments every day, and learning that this is all so worth the effort.

So, 101 lbs. down, 160 to go, and much more work with understanding my new, healthier self!
(P.S. time to get a tattoo to commemorate!)

Start Weight: 451 lbs.
Weight at Surgery 12/10/13: 428 lbs.
Current Weight: 350 lbs.
Total Weight Lost: 101 lbs.
(soon I will put inches lost on here, but I haven't measured yet!)
Current Mood: Relieved

Happy New Year!!!

So it's the beginning of the new year and I am already off to a good start!  I am so proud of myself for making the decisions I have in 2013, and am so happy to have this new chance at a new healthy life. There is so much that is already changing and I can hardly wrap my head around it.  The weight is coming off so fast, my body is changing so much already and I already feel so much better.

What I'm Eating:
Before surgery, I never thought I would be able to make it through the day without eating.  It sounded so weird and impossible to me.  I thought surely my body will need that food and calories to burn in order to have energy. In the case of most people, this is the truth.  I'm not in any way advocating not eating if you are on another weight loss journey! That is surely dangerous and will only cause you to gain more weight later.  I do eat, it's just not much right now.  I maybe eat once or twice a day and then I'm eating super small amounts. I am still on the soft foods/semi solid proteins stage right now, so I eat a lot of cheeses, canned meats (usually mixed with a light cream soup or light mayo so it goes down better), eggs, re-fried beans, and thin sliced deli meats (very well chewed). I had some browned ground beef with some cream of mushroom soup the other day that tasted sooooo good to me!  I'm really ready for week 5 when I can finally start adding other things to my diet like veggies.  I have experimented with a couple things that have not set so well.  And by not sitting well, I mean I get monster heartburn and I go and say a few prayers to the porcelain gods.  So far, pickles (which I loved before) and Wendy's chili are a no go.  I have been craving crunchy carbs (like Chex mix, and crackers) and pizza all this week and it's hard to remind my brain that I don't need them and that I am not really hungry!  The mental part of this whole thing is really the hardest struggle, the physical part, not so much.

The Physical Part:
Since surgery, my body has been through an overhaul so far, and it's letting me know it's not that happy about it right now.  I'm sure in time it will change it's mind, but until then I've been putting up with some not so pleasant issues.  The first thing that happened, started even a week before surgery when I had lost 20 lbs already. My outside of my right thigh started to go numb.  At night when I would lay down for bed it would stop being numb and burn like crazy.  I have since found out from the Physician's Assistant that it is a lovely condition called Meralgia Paresthetica.  It's where your femoral/lower abdominal nerve is pinched by pressure.  Apparently, my lower stomach (pannus) is pressing on that nerve more as I lose weight and it's causing the nerve to act up.  I can handle it most of the time, because most of the time it just makes my leg numb, but every once in a while it will start shooting pains through my leg, and will just feel very uncomfortable when I'm laying down to go to sleep.  It should pass soon, maybe in the next couple months, but in the meantime it sucks. The second lovely issue, has been a muscle that's been acting up on the lower left side of my abdomen.  It's been going on for two whole weeks now, and is driving me batty! At first I was concerned that it might be a hernia considering that hernias are very common after weight loss surgery, but now that it's FINALLY starting to get better, I'm sure it was just a bad muscle strain from trying to move around without effecting my incisions, but it hurts like a mother sometimes!  It hurts when I am sitting up, it hurts when I lay a certain way in bed (which happens to be my favorite way to lay in bed), and it hurts when I bend over.  Today is actually the first day it has felt better since it started.  The pain is pretty mild so hopefully that's a sign that it's on the mend.

Getting Physical:
As far as the exercise I have been doing, I have only just gotten started as of the 1st of January.  I got outside on New Years Day and walked 1.7 miles.  I can't tell you the last time I walked that far!  I don't think my body remembers either because my legs were crying by the end of it! However, my back, which used to hurt on a near daily basis, didn't hurt at all!  The weight I have lost so far helped so much, and I can already stand up straighter. Since that walk I have walked once more for another 1.7 miles and it didn't hurt as much that time.  Today, I actually joined a gym (Planet Fitness) and I am going tonight to work out!  I know if I am paying for it, I am going to make more of an effort to go at least 5 days a week.  I also got some new trainers and a gym bag for motivation (the money I save on food is paying for other cool stuff). Tonight I'm just going to focus on getting some time in on the treadmill and maybe the elliptical (15 minutes each), just to get myself started.  If I have any fitness buff friends out there that want to join me (I'll be going to the PF on 410 and McCullough across from North Star Mall), or if you have any advice on what kinds of workouts I can do, please let me know!

I've decided that I am going to add my stats at the end of my blogs from now on.  It's something I have struggled with in the past, because I didn't want people to know my weight, but I'm trying to come to terms with that and just get over it basically.  So, I'm going to start sharing it with you all.

Start Weight: 451 lbs.
Weight at Surgery 12/10/13: 428 lbs.
Current Weight: 388 lbs.
Total Weight Lost: 63 lbs.
(soon I will put inches lost on here, but I haven't measured yet!)
Current Mood: Motivated